We grow up on fairy tales. Fanciful stories full of perfect, heroic love and flawless relationships. The majority of the most popular movies have a plot line including a love story. We are fed these tales and ideals without every really being taught what true love and committed relationships actually are. Archaic ideas of how and when a person should choose a mate create more problems than perfect love stories.

Choosing to spend your life with someone is a beautiful expression of love, but there is plenty of hard work involved. Sometimes it requires a degree of sacrifice, sometimes it takes compromise. There will be moments of anger and misunderstanding, because that is what happens when two human beings who have lived different lives attempt to bring their two perspectives together. For the successful ones, these moments are mere blips that are quickly overcome. Others have to work harder. But one thing is for certain, the vast majority of people in relationships have a lot of learning to do in order to be happy and see things work out.

Couples counseling for successful relationships
Every relationship has its struggles, whether from causes on the outside of the relationship or from within. Regardless of where the issues begin, it is essential for the success of the relationship to address them, and resolve them in a way that is satisfactory and beneficial to both parties involved. Going to couples counseling can greatly aid in this endeavor, as it is often helpful to have a neutral third party to mediate, particularly if those issues are deep or especially painful. Clear communication will lead to understanding on both sides, and attempts at reconciling will be much more successful. Therapists and counselors can be both the mediator and the listening ear that is so often needed.

Getting to the root of the problem
Issues within relationships almost always start as a result of issues within each individual that they have not dealt with or that they are having trouble reconciling with the other person’s perspective. Stress and anxiety can both add to these problems, and be caused by them, creating a vicious, blinding cycle that often creates confusion and hopelessness. By attending therapy or couples counseling, each of these factors can be identified, analyzed, and processed appropriately. Because society does not encourage healthy emotional development through the constructs that are in place and regarded as most important, a large number of people grow into adulthood lacking the right tools to connect seamlessly with another person, especially one in disagreement with their point of view.

Seeing success when you open up

It is not easy to dive deep into your own or another’s emotional troubles. It takes strength that we often feel we come up short on. It takes patience, understanding, and persistence. But reconciliation, healing, and development with forward momentum are all possible if you are willing to put in the work. A study examining the results of couples counseling that used emotional focus as a pillar of the therapy showed that about half of the participating couples recovered by the time that the therapy ended, and 70% saw recovery within three months of ending the therapy. And respondents to another survey revealed positive results as well. After going to counseling, 93% said that they felt that they came away with more effective tools for addressing their conflicts. Another positive outcome was the fact that many said they saw improvements in their physical health and their work life and productivity as well.

It definitely takes courage to face your deepest issues head on. But if you go into the process with the mindset that you are not alone, that you are attacking the problems alongside your partner, you can gain strength. And keep in mind that all this difficult work you are putting in will be more than worth it in the end, as you will be able to hold your head high, and confidently move through your life, your very own pick your own ending fairy tale.